The Lady of Babylon

I'm not carrying a golden cup full of abominations or my fornications. Nor do I have WHORE OF BABYLON written across my forehead (sweet new tat idea). I do tend to wear purple a lot, though. And I suppose you could say I'm beautiful, until you left up my skirt and find scales and ickyness (thank you, Edmund Spenser, for that image).

I guess what I'm trying to say is lately, I've felt like that fine trollop of Biblical proportion. Which is to say that I feel like a (and I hate this word) slut.

But why? I'm not out sleeping with a million boys or girls or both at the same time or a gaggle of people at one time or any other combination of people to do the dirty with. I've only actually had sex with 2 and a half people. (I'm using parentheticals a lot tonight, but yes, 1/2 a person). And one of those whole people was my serious boyfriend. The 1/2 person was someone I thought would respect me, but didn't which is one reason why he's 1/2 a person. The other whole person is a friend with benefits. I haven't even kissed over 15 people. I've only had like 5 male appendages in/around my mouth. So statistically speaking, I'm not a whore. And I think I need a least a gillion more to compete on the Whore of Babylon level of game.

So again, I ask, why in the world do I sometimes feel like such a girl of substandard morals?

Without going off on a Feminist tirade, I think the answer is simple. I am a single lady, which society still abhors with disdain and distrust. But on top of this, I am a single lady that enjoys the company of men outside of a relationship. I am a direct threat to that myth that a woman of my age must be tied to a man. Or society has a nice little succinct word for that...slut.

To keep me believing in this myth, I feel society has personally taken it upon itself to have people, like my mother and friends, comment on the inappropriate nature of my single status and loose morals. "Men won't respect you if you just sleep with them." "Aren't you just lonely?" "Wouldn't you like someone to have to rely on, to be there for you?" "Well, I just wish you were as happy as I am with (enter man name)." "I honestly don't understand how you can just sleep with someone without loving them." Each comment, although coming from a place of love, I'm sure, works to make me feel bad about experiencing life the way I want.

And let us not forgot that bitch, popular culture. Popular culture mainly serves to entertain me. Yet it also serves to remind me every minute of every day how ALONE I am. How WRONG I am. How much I need Brinks Security to protect me. Maybelline to make men just think, maybe I'm born, or maybe it's just a beauty product I am using because if I don't, I'll be ugly and no man will ever love me and no woman will ever care to call me a friend. Hot clothes because, honestly, how can I ever be successful just wearing sweats?

No wonder I feel like a slut most of the time.

Here's a nice dose of rationality, though.

We all hear why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. One of a mom's favorite quotes. One of society's favorite quotes. I know this is technically a rhetorical question. Let's answer it though. First, why in the world would I make someone buy me to get sex. I think that's called prostitution. I am not a possession to be bought just so you can sex me up. I am not on the market, trying to sell myself to the highest bidder, making advertisements that my milk is the sweetest. Or that I'm the fattest cow, so after you're done milking me for all I'm worth, you can just kill me. Get a new cow, and then feast on my carcass that you so easily cast aside after you got that oh so expensive milk to make your bone grow. Second, comparing women to cows? Really? Third, and last, I'll answer the question despite my problems with purchasing someone and being compared to a barnyard animal. You buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, because you've had the chance to taste the milk, compare it to other cows' milk. You become a smart, educated consumer. You know what you like and how you like it. This cow has the best tasting milk to you, so you buy it because you love it. It's the same reason I would buy a cow when I can get the milk for free; I know what I purchasing.

Now, I have a friend with benefits. We get along fine. He's fun to hang out with, but I can't see myself dating him. Our relationship is based solely on the fact that we fuck. No strings attached. I enjoy our relationship immensely. It's a safe place to explore my sexuality, see what I like, what I don't like. My confidence has been building. I'm not as shy and I just feel good about myself. He never makes fun of me. He wants me. Even if it's just sexually or because I'm just a hole to stick his dick in, I don't mind. He just enjoys what we do together, and boy, do I enjoy it, too.

I know I should just feel slutty and guilty per the request of society. Sometimes I feel myself feeling that way. But honestly, for the most part, I just feel satisfied and confident. I am experiencing life. I'm not sitting at home with my five cats, knitting up a storm and remembering those old days of yore when I had a boyfriend. Dorothy felt the same way. Humans, male or female, are not alive to sit at home and just watch life. We're alive to go out and experience life, sexually and beyond.

So, if being single and having a friend with benefits makes me the Whore of Babylon, then so be it. I will proudly wear my purple and keep posting on here, my own golden cup of abominations and fornications.