Where Am I Putting Myself While I Wait?

When anyone ever talks to you about dating, they fall into one of the two distinct schools of thought, much like Aristotle and Plato:

1) Put Yourself Out There
2) Wait For It

Which is confusing to single people struggling to find another human being to reach that level of bliss coupled people seem to have achieved in their relationships and who are usually the ones giving this advice. One group is telling you to be active, take things into your own hands while the other half is telling you to be passive, let things happen as they may.

I am one of these oh so lonely, desperate single people that gets this advice. From everyone. My mother is more of the "wait for it" types. My sister is the "put yourself out there" type of advice giver. I'd say a majority of my friends are more aggressive, too, suggesting things such as online dating and joining multiple clubs. They also tend to go through their Rolodex of single friends, telling me which ones I would or would not like and often amending ones I wouldn't like with...he's so sweet though. Getting this advice from these people, people I really know, love and care about, is normal. What I find alarming though is when you meet someone new and when they find out you're single, they automatically state either a) "Oh, you just wait. Some man will come into your life when you least expect it," or b) "Oh, you just need to get out there!"

Which leads to the following thoughts from me:

Where or what is this "there" everyone keeps speaking of? I am either suppose to get out to this place or put myself in this place. There seems to hold the key to my romantic happiness. It's a mystical land where once I get there, all my questions will be answered regarding love and men. It's full of unicorns, rainbows, love, happiness, and geeky and well read boys who wear tweed and caridgans and have blue eyes. If only one of these people who always suggest I go "there" would give me a map or directions. GPS can't seem to locate it and Google Maps is of no help.

Okay, so I know that "there" actual means just mingling with the human race. The people who suggest this are just telling me that I shouldn't sit at home on Saturday nights drinking a bottle of wine and watching Jeopardy! alone if I want to date. Not that I've ever done that....Which is a valid point. Going out in public usually leads to meeting new people and by joining clubs or pursuing your hobbies, you're likely to meet someone who shares common interests with you. (Some helpful advice from every Cosmo or dating book ever written) Which joining the whole realm of online dating is the same deal. You are linked into a network of people who are looking for love. You can instantly look at their profile to see if you share common goals or values. It's just another way to go "there."

Yet....these options skeeze me out. I have a hard time thinking of joining a club/class just in the hopes I will find "the one." I'd rather join those places because I truly want to pursue what I like without ulterior motives. I feel cheap and weird going to a book club just to snag me a man with literary taste. It's almost as if I'm a hunter going to the watering hole to get me a beaut. Online dating is the same. It creeps me out just thinking that I'd inhabit a reality where I'm being constantly judged on whether in this marketplace I am valuable in looks and quality.

So you'd think I'd be more comfortable with the second school of thought, just waiting for "it" to happen. Not the case.

These people don't generally mean for me to sit on my couch eating pints of Ben and Jerry Mint Chocolate Cookie and watching the 5th season of Gilmore Girls over and over waiting for Prince Charming to bust through the door and BOOM!, we're in love. But if that could possibly happen, it would be pretty amazing. This "it" they tell me to wait for is that mythical moment when you meet that person and "you just know." It's the moment that "your life changes." All those associated cliches that always happen "when you least expect it" or when "you'd given up all hope of love."

But because these bastards tell me about this moment for them and how it does really happen, I'm always expecting it or hoping for it. So I can't just patiently sit back and wait for it to happen. I feel the urge to roam the Earth looking for it. Because obviously just waiting for it is not working out so well for me. Not super effective as the only dates I have are with my DVR and single lady frozen dinners. Plus, I feel like since all these other people seem to have had the it moment, something is wrong with me that I haven't. Why did it choose them and not me? You know, all those fun, happy thoughts of self doubt.

Ultimately we find that John Stuart Mill was right; The truth is usually between the two extremes. If I really want to date, I need to leave the apartment every once and awhile to interact with people, meet someone new. Yet, I can't force it. Going out there with the only intent to date makes you desperate and will make you tense. If I just go out with the potential of meeting someone, I'd be less likely to turn into Gollum and find that blue eyed geek to call my precious after one meet and greet.