Frankenstein

In the spirit of Halloween, I thought I'd make a monster. Something made of the best parts of other beings, stitched together to make something otherworldly and breathtaking. A figure brought to life by the passion and desire of its maker and its maker's need to defy nature. A Frakenstein of sorts.

But way less dead and lacking the propensity to run from fire. Or run across the Arctic. Or be so horrifyingly grotesque. Okay, if we're being honest it's more like Rocky than Frankenstein. I think Dr. Frank-n-Furter was on to something.

The following are the men I would steal parts of to create my own Creature of the Night:

1) Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice-Jane Austen: I would love my creation to have Darcy's ability to challenge me and engage in witty repartee with me. He is a man of knowledge and books, well learned and worldly. Although he is stubborn, he is willing to admit his wrongs and open himself to Lizzy, open himself to loving her thoroughly. Swoon. Plus, he has a HUGE library. A girl has needs.

2) Captain Wentworth, Persuasion-Jane Austen: The man knows how to woo a girl. He waits 8 years for Anne, still loving her and looking out for her. Plus, that letter. He also has a definite way with words. If this doesn't convince of his badassness, nothing will: "You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it eight and half years ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you."

3) Luke Danes, Gilmore Girls: So obviously this is not a perfect mesh with the previous two. Luke is not a man of books or worldly by any means. He has his own set of smarts, though. He is a fix it man. A Bob Villa/Norm Abram of sorts (I like these type of handy men). But more important to me is his ability to be there. I love Luke because he is someone a woman can rely on. He is a strong, stable man with a huge heart, loving you fully. He is all in.

4) Marcus Flutie, the Jessica Darling Series, Megan McCafferty: He is eccentric. He is hard to predict. He is super intelligent. He is oh so swoon worthy. Marcus is a man to be a partner with. His relationship with Jessica is one built on a need they both have for each other. They challenge each other and make each other better people. He gave me hope in high school that not all men in life are jocks looking to get in your pants so they can score both on and off the field. Marcus stands as a man that sees your true potential and loves you not despite your flaws, but for them.

5) Jim Halpert, The Office: Goofy. I love goofy and awkward guys. Because I feel like I am a goofy and awkward girl. His sense of humor is much like my own and he is hard not to love. I fall for guys with a great sense of humor and the ability to make me have a giggle fit. Or if he's really good, he'll bring on the snorting and if he can handle that lovely part of my personality, he is golden.

6) Lloyd Dobbler, Say Anything: More of the goofy and awkward factor. How can you not want your love monster to have the romantic mind to hold a boom box outside your window playing "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel, the song that was playing the first time you made love? You can't. It's a must.

7) Jason Bateman: I LOVE him. LOVE LOVE LOVE him. I find him highly attractive and as a bonus he is soo funny and goofy. He is probably my top Hollywood crush. Watch any episode of Arrested Development and it's easy to see why he is a key component in this man of dreams.

8) Chris Pine: One thing........his eyes. Blue eyes kill me. Take my breath away and give me that deep feeling in my gut. He has some of the prettiest blue eyes ever. They are the eyes of my great love.

9) Gregory Peck: I know this may seem like a strange man to add to the list. But for looks, height and voice, there is no better choice. Ever since I saw To Kill A Mockingbird in high school, I have been in love with him. Roman Holiday just intensified this love. He is hands down the most handsome man I have seen.

10) E. E. Cummings: I live on words. They inspire me, give me life, give me breath. No other writer's poetry has quite moved me as much as E. E. Cummings. His ability to put abstract thoughts or complex feelings on page in a few lines leaves me in awe. He delicately weaves words, sounds, punctuation into a web that evokes intense emotion. His erotic poems leave me panting and I want a man to woo me with words. So, I want my man to have this talent.

(clash of thunder) It's alive!!!!!!!! It's ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or I wish. Obviously this will never happen. Unless someday in the future we are able to manifest our dreams and desires into tangible objects, moving the subjective into objective. I think we have a few years before modern science can achieve this though. And unlike Dr. Frank-n-Furter, I am not a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania with the ability to make such a creature of the night.

And obviously I know no man can ever possess all of the features. Especially since most of those men are fictional, and two of those fictional heart throbs come from the 19th century. This creature I have constructed here is my perfect dream boat. The perfect man. Which of course goes against all laws of nature or love.

I guess as I revive my new interest in dating, it's important to keep this monster in mind. I can dream and hope from him, but if I let him exist, keep that dream alive, he will wreak havoc on my life. No real man of true flesh and blood will live up to the perfection I have created, leaving me constantly and consistently disappointed. I will end up scouring the Earth, driving across the cold Arctic alone, searching for this monster I created, ruining any chance I had of finding a real man to love me.

So, tonight I am left with no Rocky of my own to toucha, toucha, toucha me. No Creature of the Night to fill the empty space I feel in my heart and in my bed.

Which is okay. I think I'll just wait for someone to be perfect with in our imperfection.