A Picture Is Worth 1000 Orgasms

I am superficial.

I like getting compliments just as much as the next person. Especially if the person bestowing the comments is someone I am interested in. Like a boyfriend. Or a crush. Of course I am talking about those little gems like I have the most beautiful brown eyes, I am pretty, I am intelligent, I can pack away a dozen cupcakes like no other woman can. The usual.

These little boosts in self-confidence are nice and let you know that the other person thinks you're the bee's knees. Which is nice in a space where you are highly vulnerable and open. You like some encouragement that there is some mutual infatuation going on.

But....there is a certain point where compliments turn creepy. I would like to share some experiences where the creep line was crossed.

So, in a intimate, sexual relationship with someone it is nice to know you get them hot. Like, you learn the other person enjoys a certain type of touch or a particular kind of kiss. Or that they enjoy seeing you in this one pair of jeans. You know what I am talking about. It's nice to have this secret power inside of you to make the other person drool. Especially when you are sexually attracted to them, it's nice to know it's a mutual passion you share.

Well, in this case the passion and arousal I sparked was not something I needed to know.

Now, I am not a sex bombshell. I am mostly awkward and goofy, not especially "sexy." But when I was dating this guy I felt sexy. It was a nice feeling. He told me I was beautiful and smart and he loved the way I kissed. I enjoyed his cooing and wooing. I was enamored with him, too. One day we were watching television and talking. Nothing worth remembering, just small talk. Then somehow and for some reason I am not sure of, he decides to drop this bomb on me:

I think about you when I masturbate.

Umm........
.......
...........

What is the proper response to that???? There was no sexy context for it. I could maybe see that in a hot and heavy session between the sheets or perhaps a text of something implying that the thought of me made him hard, but to just outright say he jerked it to me...It made me feel beyond dirty and weird. I mean, I guess I figured he might do that and it was kind of nice to know he was thinking of me instead of say my best friend or my sister. But did I really need to know????

No, I did not. Instead of making me feel great, it made me feel sleazy. Because when he thinks about me he touches himself. Which for me means that I get stripped down to a sexual thing. Nothing more. I am purely being seen, in this context, as a sexual agent or fantasy for his pent up sexual tension. I am not being seen as an intimate partner with feelings and emotions that get shared during a sexual encounter with him. I am just a vagina and a hot mouth.

Yet, that wasn't the most awkward part. After I failed to really reply he asked, "Well, don't you masturbate to me?" I am not going to deny giving myself a hand in times of need. I see nothing inherently wrong with it. But I do not generally think of a man in particular. It is a fantasy man who knows exactly what I like and how I like it. We usually share some witty conversation before getting to it, too. Better than trashy romance novels...but probably not much better.

But I digress. I felt bad saying NO, so I fibbed a bit and told him I did occasionally think of him and his immaculate penis. Okay, maybe that was fibbing more than just a bit, but I didn't want him to think that I didn't recognize him as a sexually potent partner. Because he was sexy to me, but since he was the leading man in my reality I didn't need him to be the lead in my fantasy.

He wasn't the only one to say such a thing to me, though. This past year a guy was flirting with me via Facebook Chat. After telling me I needed to visit him the next time I was in Lawrence, he then out of nowhere tells me he was looking at pictures of me on Facebook and getting hard. What. The. Fuck. I ended that conversation abruptly.

After talking with some trusted males, they told me they wouldn't mind if a girl told them that she sought release whilst thinking of him. They would actually be quite flattered. Which is nice...but after talking to my lady friends, they agree that a man saying he rubs one out to the thought of you is creepy. Maybe on some level flattering, but...mostly creepy.

I guess in the end I have a problem with a man telling me he masturbates to me because it does only reduce me to a sexual outlet. Also because I have grown up under the assumption men watch porn and look at Playboy for such a thing. These women are just bodies. You might learn Miss January's favorite color is blue or that the girl in the porn needs her plumbing looked at and would appreciate you inspecting it with your more than adequate equipment, but these aren't real foundations of intimacy. There is a distance between the woman he looks at/fantasizes about and himself. Which makes me think the same would be happening to me if he is jerking it to me. There would be a distance or I wouldn't be a real person. Just a fantasy.

And I like being real. I like my fantasy tryst with a Mr. Darcy like male, but I would always much rather share a real tryst with a real man.

And if you ever want to give me a compliment, feel free. I enjoy the flattery. Just please don't tell me you masturbate to me.