A Weighty Issue

Okay. We all know there is one big thing you never comment on to a lady; her weight.

Yes, I will not lie, it is nice to hear "You are skinny," but a simple change of "are" to "look" and adding an extra adverb "today" can screw you over. Commenting on weight is a tricky, fickle thing.

I was a pretty active person growing up. In the summer I would play softball, basketball, and swim for swim team. In junior high and high school I played basketball and volleyball, had a small stint with track, and played club volleyball and MAYB basketball in the summer. Plus, I lifted weights and ran during the summer in high school for volleyball training. This gave me a pretty nice frame. I was never reed thin. I have always had my curves and my ass and my hips and my boobs. But, I looked pretty nice.

Well...college happened. I gained some weight, which I think is typical of most people. I just was not as active and fast food was a staple of my diet. This just added to my curves and gave me a little extra padding.

Now, yes, I do wish I could lose about 20 pounds and go back to my high school weight. And yes, as a girl, I am a little extra sensitive about my weight. And, as stated before, the clever boys in my class use to call me weighty nicknames such as "Free Willy" and "Jenny Craig." So...one could say weight is not my favorite subject.

But...I doubt it is anyone's favorite subject. Women especially. We all feel the pressure to be that size 0 or 2. And like I said, commenting on weight is a tricky business.

Here are some experiences where I was not the only huge elephant sitting in the room:

#1: Pants
I was making out with this guy. We had made out before and it was fun. He was cute and he made me laugh, so overall, I was pleased. We started to go horizontal, like most make out sessions go, and I was on top. Articles of clothes start to come off. Then, boy starts to undo my pants. Okay, no big deal. But, then he tries to pull them off while I am straddling him. I was getting ready to shift to make this endeavor more successful when he decides to comment on my weight: "Maybe you should get a bigger pair of pants."

Umm......excuse me? Unless I am wearing tear away pants, I have no idea how the hell you though that these pants were coming off.

It didn't stop there though. He went on to say...."I have no idea how you even get those on. You should really get a larger size." I then said, "I have no issues with it, and no one else ever has. See, it is quite simple." I then proceeded to take on and off my pants within thirty seconds.

#2: Pillow Talk
Again, this takes place during a make out session. This time I was with someone a little more serious, someone I had been dating for awhile. While making out, we again start the horizontal thing and start shedding some clothes. Then, again, the comment comes: "Have you been gaining weight?"

This one occurred again when I was on top and this boy was grabbing me by the waist.

Hmm...a weird approach to some dirty talk. Oh, yeah...Tell me how fat I am. Smother me in gravy.

#3: Comparative Analysis
I found some old pictures from high school on the computer at my house. So, I decided to post them on facebook. A couple of days later I was back in Lawrence for New Year's Eve. We had been drinking, like most college students, and some of us were sitting around talking. Out of nowhere, my guy friend, one I use to have a huge crush on, says this: "Chelsea, you use to be so skinny and cute in high school. What happened?"

Oh, I don't know. I decided to not be cute or skinny any more. I changed my life goal into resembling Ursula from Little Mermaid. I mean, she had curves and in her song, she tells me that those curves are how us ladies get them fellas.

Here's the thing guys (if any guys read this), there are a limited amount of ways to comment on a woman's weight and there are even more limited amounts of appropriate times to comment on a woman's weight.

Top time not to comment....when you are about to get some. Not only does this ruin your chances, but I can promise you the lady in question will not forget and will probably not engage in such behavior with you again.

But also....it is just plain ass rude. That is the equivalent of me saying, "Oh, is your dick getting smaller?" Would you like that? No. Why? Because you are sensitive about your size and it such situations....you are even more sensitive. Same here, bucko.

I am comfortable with my luscious body. You would think that these experiences would have shattered me and that I would never again undress in front of a man. But....mama's got needs.

Seriously though. I just think these guys were not thinking correctly. Even if they did mean it....that is their deal. If they want a supermodel with non-existent boobs and the ability to count her ribs, good for them.

I am not the girl, and I am fine with that. :)