Play it once, Sam. For old times' sake.

I'm a sucker for classic movies, as a list of my Hollywood crushes will support. Something about the plots and relationships fascinate me in a way today's cinema usually fails to do. Maybe it's the honest and complex relationships, the strong females who do their thang in a misogynistic era, and awkward kissing that isn't almost pornographic. Or maybe it's just that I'm a movie snob who hates the Enlightened Sexism Hollywood panders to women as "Feminism" through Rom-Coms and even some of the Dramas as of late. Whatever the reason, my DVR and DVD rack is full of classic movies.

After recently watching Breakfast at Tiffany's on TCM, I found that there was something else I love about these gems; the theme song. Breakfast at Tiffany's has "Moonriver." Casablanca has "As Time Goes By." A Star is Born has "The Man That Got Away." The Way We Were has, well, "The Way We Were." These aren't your modern day pop diva or Disney clone child star theme songs. There is not auto-tune or riffs or ear splitting notes. You have truthful melodies that blend in with the film effortlessly, harmonizing with the emotions and plot of the film. Usually the theme song is closely related to the leading couple's relationship. You can see how the they relate and parallel each other in interesting ways. These are songs that stand the test of time and don't end up on Karaoke lists to be sung by drunk people as a joke.

Which got me to a ponderin'....is this why we feel the need to have "a song" with another person? Every wedding features the first dance where the couple dances to "their song." Or, there's always that awkward conversation with a boyfriend/girlfriend where the topic of "your song" comes up and you're thinking some indie song sung by an emotionally aware, vulnerable singer whose song is a sweet ballad while he's thinking of a rock song sung by a sex-driven rock god who refers to you as some dessert. Tay Swift even has a song about this phenom, aptly titled "Our Song."

And all of this made me stop and think about my past relationships and the music associated with them. Upon much reflection, I had a disturbing realization; the soundtrack to my relationships is horrible. The melodies and lyrics just add an almost comical background for most of my liaisons with men. Yet entertaining. So obviously I will share it with you with fun stories to accompany...

Track 1: "Fever for the Flava" Hot Action Cop
So....I was hanging out with this one guy quite a bit. And by hanging out I obviously mean hooking up. He was funny and a decent kisser, so it was good times. Out of the times we hooked up, I'd say that 70% of them were us in his room on his futon. I know, a futon. But cut me some slack. It was college and if you haven't messed around on a futon during college, I highly doubt you can say you truly experienced college and all it had to offer. To add to the traditional nature of the college hook up, the only other furniture featured in his room was a desk which had his nice computer which had the ever wonderful iTunes. Before we could start anything in his room, he had to go over and put iTunes on shuffle. It was his ritual.

But, the bad thing with shuffle is that you never know what is going to come up. Cue "Fever for the Flava" which is basically all about a man bemoaning his infliction of desperately seeking some booty. Of course, like the mature woman I am, I just started giggling once the first line came on; "Do you think that I can get some jiggy jiggy," and the giggles became uncontrollable at "Maybe just a little uh uh nookie nookie". This song was just on spot for the current situation. Quite the serendipitous event. He even had to stop and acknowledge the comedy of the moment. We soon regrouped and I did my best to cure his fever. For the flava.

To this day, I can't help but think of him and his futon when I hear this song.

Track 2: Sportscenter theme song
Sportscenter...the tv mecca for men. It's like some sort of security blanket for them, swaddling them in testosterone. Any guy I've hooked up with on a regular basis has initiated sexual acts after the start of Sportscenter, as if Sportscenter got him pumped to do his thing. Even worse, after a certain time of night, Sportscenter just plays over and over and over, playing it's theme song multiple times. One guy in particular stands out. We would talk and watch tv, then he'd decide to watch Sportscenter and BAM! He's hitting a home run. He's making a great tackle. He's penetrating the lane. It was as if ESPN was Viagra.

Because of this I have a sort of conditioned response to this particular intro. I hear "Da na na na, da na na na,' my ears perk up and I'm salivating like one of Pavlov's dogs.

Track 3: "Everytime We Touch" Cascada
Now, Cascada is a techno goddess. I'm not going to say I don't love her music and listen to it when I want to dance around my apartment in my underwear. But, I can't say that I'm completely thrilled to admit that "Everytime We Touch" was the song associated with my only true serious relationship. My boyfriend LOVED this song. We were friends before dating and we would rock out to this song and quote it to each other just for laughs. He even got into a fight with one of my best friends about the nonsensical lyrics. The line "your arms are my castle" was a hot topic. My friend explained, with a valid point, that the lyrics were dumb and this wasn't a good song. My boyfriend argued that this was a great love song and the lyrics were touching. It was almost as great as the Lincoln-Douglas debates of 1858.

What does this song convey about my relationship? Well, like Cascada's club anthem, it had a good foundation. A strong something to build upon. Unfortunately, those damn lyrics he fought so strong to defend are what did us in. Her lyrics are so idealistic and contrived. She says all the right things of how you're suppose to feel when you're in love. But it's not a very honest, real look at love. Which is what our dialogue mostly was. Us believing that love would conquer all without us taking a honest look at how as a romantic couple, we were caustic to each other.

And thank god we broke up because I think I would die if I had to dance to this song at my wedding. Rave dancing is not my forte.

Track 4: "The Reason" Hoobastank
One of my boyfriends decided "The Reason" was our song. If we were together and this song came on the radio he would reach for the volume button, hit + and comment on how this was our song. Now, the following is going to sound egotistical, because it is, but this boy was IN LOVE with me. As in he was planning our whole future together and discussing relocating to follow me to college. There was no doubt in his mind that what we had was TRUE LOVE. And he made it a point to tell me how I helped save him and how I made him a better person, really inspired him to be more, do more. He made me feel like a goddess, as if I could do no wrong. He worshiped me. I think mostly because we were teenagers and I let him touch my boobs. But, you know.

This song perfectly conveys his maniacal view of me and his inability to see the whole picture. The song is about a man who has wronged a woman. He's basically grovelling, saying I'm so sorry, you've really taught me a lesson. So yes, the chorus is about how this woman is the reason for him to become a better man, which is why this boyfriend decided this was our song. But, boyfriend completely just ignored the other part of the song, as in all of the song except the chorus.

Needless to say, this was a short lived relationship because I can only be worshiped so much and can only stand on that damn pedestal for so long.



So, there's a short playlist of some of my past songs. Of course I over simplified everything because relationships are way too complex to be condensed into a 4 minute song, but it's fun just to think about what they say about your relationship or how you remember them in relation to your relationship. Because there are those days when you're driving home and that song comes on and you smile, thinking about those old times.

And because 20 years down the line when you're in the car with your children listening to the Oldies station and "Everytime We Touch" comes on, and they say in appalled tones, "OMGZ, Mom, you listened to this and LIKED it?" you can reply, "You bet your ass I did. And just count your blessings you weren't conceived to it."