In the spirit of Halloween, I thought I'd make a monster. Something made of the best parts of other beings, stitched together to make something otherworldly and breathtaking. A figure brought to life by the passion and desire of its maker and its maker's need to defy nature. A Frakenstein of sorts.
But way less dead and lacking the propensity to run from fire. Or run across the Arctic. Or be so horrifyingly grotesque. Okay, if we're being honest it's more like Rocky than Frankenstein. I think Dr. Frank-n-Furter was on to something.
The following are the men I would steal parts of to create my own Creature of the Night:
1) Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice-Jane Austen: I would love my creation to have Darcy's ability to challenge me and engage in witty repartee with me. He is a man of knowledge and books, well learned and worldly. Although he is stubborn, he is willing to admit his wrongs and open himself to Lizzy, open himself to loving her thoroughly. Swoon. Plus, he has a HUGE library. A girl has needs.
2) Captain Wentworth, Persuasion-Jane Austen: The man knows how to woo a girl. He waits 8 years for Anne, still loving her and looking out for her. Plus, that letter. He also has a definite way with words. If this doesn't convince of his badassness, nothing will: "You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it eight and half years ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you."
3) Luke Danes, Gilmore Girls: So obviously this is not a perfect mesh with the previous two. Luke is not a man of books or worldly by any means. He has his own set of smarts, though. He is a fix it man. A Bob Villa/Norm Abram of sorts (I like these type of handy men). But more important to me is his ability to be there. I love Luke because he is someone a woman can rely on. He is a strong, stable man with a huge heart, loving you fully. He is all in.
4) Marcus Flutie, the Jessica Darling Series, Megan McCafferty: He is eccentric. He is hard to predict. He is super intelligent. He is oh so swoon worthy. Marcus is a man to be a partner with. His relationship with Jessica is one built on a need they both have for each other. They challenge each other and make each other better people. He gave me hope in high school that not all men in life are jocks looking to get in your pants so they can score both on and off the field. Marcus stands as a man that sees your true potential and loves you not despite your flaws, but for them.
5) Jim Halpert, The Office: Goofy. I love goofy and awkward guys. Because I feel like I am a goofy and awkward girl. His sense of humor is much like my own and he is hard not to love. I fall for guys with a great sense of humor and the ability to make me have a giggle fit. Or if he's really good, he'll bring on the snorting and if he can handle that lovely part of my personality, he is golden.
6) Lloyd Dobbler, Say Anything: More of the goofy and awkward factor. How can you not want your love monster to have the romantic mind to hold a boom box outside your window playing "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel, the song that was playing the first time you made love? You can't. It's a must.
7) Jason Bateman: I LOVE him. LOVE LOVE LOVE him. I find him highly attractive and as a bonus he is soo funny and goofy. He is probably my top Hollywood crush. Watch any episode of Arrested Development and it's easy to see why he is a key component in this man of dreams.
8) Chris Pine: One thing........his eyes. Blue eyes kill me. Take my breath away and give me that deep feeling in my gut. He has some of the prettiest blue eyes ever. They are the eyes of my great love.
9) Gregory Peck: I know this may seem like a strange man to add to the list. But for looks, height and voice, there is no better choice. Ever since I saw To Kill A Mockingbird in high school, I have been in love with him. Roman Holiday just intensified this love. He is hands down the most handsome man I have seen.
10) E. E. Cummings: I live on words. They inspire me, give me life, give me breath. No other writer's poetry has quite moved me as much as E. E. Cummings. His ability to put abstract thoughts or complex feelings on page in a few lines leaves me in awe. He delicately weaves words, sounds, punctuation into a web that evokes intense emotion. His erotic poems leave me panting and I want a man to woo me with words. So, I want my man to have this talent.
(clash of thunder) It's alive!!!!!!!! It's ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Or I wish. Obviously this will never happen. Unless someday in the future we are able to manifest our dreams and desires into tangible objects, moving the subjective into objective. I think we have a few years before modern science can achieve this though. And unlike Dr. Frank-n-Furter, I am not a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania with the ability to make such a creature of the night.
And obviously I know no man can ever possess all of the features. Especially since most of those men are fictional, and two of those fictional heart throbs come from the 19th century. This creature I have constructed here is my perfect dream boat. The perfect man. Which of course goes against all laws of nature or love.
I guess as I revive my new interest in dating, it's important to keep this monster in mind. I can dream and hope from him, but if I let him exist, keep that dream alive, he will wreak havoc on my life. No real man of true flesh and blood will live up to the perfection I have created, leaving me constantly and consistently disappointed. I will end up scouring the Earth, driving across the cold Arctic alone, searching for this monster I created, ruining any chance I had of finding a real man to love me.
So, tonight I am left with no Rocky of my own to toucha, toucha, toucha me. No Creature of the Night to fill the empty space I feel in my heart and in my bed.
Which is okay. I think I'll just wait for someone to be perfect with in our imperfection.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Where Am I Putting Myself While I Wait?
When anyone ever talks to you about dating, they fall into one of the two distinct schools of thought, much like Aristotle and Plato:
1) Put Yourself Out There
2) Wait For It
Which is confusing to single people struggling to find another human being to reach that level of bliss coupled people seem to have achieved in their relationships and who are usually the ones giving this advice. One group is telling you to be active, take things into your own hands while the other half is telling you to be passive, let things happen as they may.
I am one of these oh so lonely, desperate single people that gets this advice. From everyone. My mother is more of the "wait for it" types. My sister is the "put yourself out there" type of advice giver. I'd say a majority of my friends are more aggressive, too, suggesting things such as online dating and joining multiple clubs. They also tend to go through their Rolodex of single friends, telling me which ones I would or would not like and often amending ones I wouldn't like with...he's so sweet though. Getting this advice from these people, people I really know, love and care about, is normal. What I find alarming though is when you meet someone new and when they find out you're single, they automatically state either a) "Oh, you just wait. Some man will come into your life when you least expect it," or b) "Oh, you just need to get out there!"
Which leads to the following thoughts from me:
Where or what is this "there" everyone keeps speaking of? I am either suppose to get out to this place or put myself in this place. There seems to hold the key to my romantic happiness. It's a mystical land where once I get there, all my questions will be answered regarding love and men. It's full of unicorns, rainbows, love, happiness, and geeky and well read boys who wear tweed and caridgans and have blue eyes. If only one of these people who always suggest I go "there" would give me a map or directions. GPS can't seem to locate it and Google Maps is of no help.
Okay, so I know that "there" actual means just mingling with the human race. The people who suggest this are just telling me that I shouldn't sit at home on Saturday nights drinking a bottle of wine and watching Jeopardy! alone if I want to date. Not that I've ever done that....Which is a valid point. Going out in public usually leads to meeting new people and by joining clubs or pursuing your hobbies, you're likely to meet someone who shares common interests with you. (Some helpful advice from every Cosmo or dating book ever written) Which joining the whole realm of online dating is the same deal. You are linked into a network of people who are looking for love. You can instantly look at their profile to see if you share common goals or values. It's just another way to go "there."
Yet....these options skeeze me out. I have a hard time thinking of joining a club/class just in the hopes I will find "the one." I'd rather join those places because I truly want to pursue what I like without ulterior motives. I feel cheap and weird going to a book club just to snag me a man with literary taste. It's almost as if I'm a hunter going to the watering hole to get me a beaut. Online dating is the same. It creeps me out just thinking that I'd inhabit a reality where I'm being constantly judged on whether in this marketplace I am valuable in looks and quality.
So you'd think I'd be more comfortable with the second school of thought, just waiting for "it" to happen. Not the case.
These people don't generally mean for me to sit on my couch eating pints of Ben and Jerry Mint Chocolate Cookie and watching the 5th season of Gilmore Girls over and over waiting for Prince Charming to bust through the door and BOOM!, we're in love. But if that could possibly happen, it would be pretty amazing. This "it" they tell me to wait for is that mythical moment when you meet that person and "you just know." It's the moment that "your life changes." All those associated cliches that always happen "when you least expect it" or when "you'd given up all hope of love."
But because these bastards tell me about this moment for them and how it does really happen, I'm always expecting it or hoping for it. So I can't just patiently sit back and wait for it to happen. I feel the urge to roam the Earth looking for it. Because obviously just waiting for it is not working out so well for me. Not super effective as the only dates I have are with my DVR and single lady frozen dinners. Plus, I feel like since all these other people seem to have had the it moment, something is wrong with me that I haven't. Why did it choose them and not me? You know, all those fun, happy thoughts of self doubt.
Ultimately we find that John Stuart Mill was right; The truth is usually between the two extremes. If I really want to date, I need to leave the apartment every once and awhile to interact with people, meet someone new. Yet, I can't force it. Going out there with the only intent to date makes you desperate and will make you tense. If I just go out with the potential of meeting someone, I'd be less likely to turn into Gollum and find that blue eyed geek to call my precious after one meet and greet.
1) Put Yourself Out There
2) Wait For It
Which is confusing to single people struggling to find another human being to reach that level of bliss coupled people seem to have achieved in their relationships and who are usually the ones giving this advice. One group is telling you to be active, take things into your own hands while the other half is telling you to be passive, let things happen as they may.
I am one of these oh so lonely, desperate single people that gets this advice. From everyone. My mother is more of the "wait for it" types. My sister is the "put yourself out there" type of advice giver. I'd say a majority of my friends are more aggressive, too, suggesting things such as online dating and joining multiple clubs. They also tend to go through their Rolodex of single friends, telling me which ones I would or would not like and often amending ones I wouldn't like with...he's so sweet though. Getting this advice from these people, people I really know, love and care about, is normal. What I find alarming though is when you meet someone new and when they find out you're single, they automatically state either a) "Oh, you just wait. Some man will come into your life when you least expect it," or b) "Oh, you just need to get out there!"
Which leads to the following thoughts from me:
Where or what is this "there" everyone keeps speaking of? I am either suppose to get out to this place or put myself in this place. There seems to hold the key to my romantic happiness. It's a mystical land where once I get there, all my questions will be answered regarding love and men. It's full of unicorns, rainbows, love, happiness, and geeky and well read boys who wear tweed and caridgans and have blue eyes. If only one of these people who always suggest I go "there" would give me a map or directions. GPS can't seem to locate it and Google Maps is of no help.
Okay, so I know that "there" actual means just mingling with the human race. The people who suggest this are just telling me that I shouldn't sit at home on Saturday nights drinking a bottle of wine and watching Jeopardy! alone if I want to date. Not that I've ever done that....Which is a valid point. Going out in public usually leads to meeting new people and by joining clubs or pursuing your hobbies, you're likely to meet someone who shares common interests with you. (Some helpful advice from every Cosmo or dating book ever written) Which joining the whole realm of online dating is the same deal. You are linked into a network of people who are looking for love. You can instantly look at their profile to see if you share common goals or values. It's just another way to go "there."
Yet....these options skeeze me out. I have a hard time thinking of joining a club/class just in the hopes I will find "the one." I'd rather join those places because I truly want to pursue what I like without ulterior motives. I feel cheap and weird going to a book club just to snag me a man with literary taste. It's almost as if I'm a hunter going to the watering hole to get me a beaut. Online dating is the same. It creeps me out just thinking that I'd inhabit a reality where I'm being constantly judged on whether in this marketplace I am valuable in looks and quality.
So you'd think I'd be more comfortable with the second school of thought, just waiting for "it" to happen. Not the case.
These people don't generally mean for me to sit on my couch eating pints of Ben and Jerry Mint Chocolate Cookie and watching the 5th season of Gilmore Girls over and over waiting for Prince Charming to bust through the door and BOOM!, we're in love. But if that could possibly happen, it would be pretty amazing. This "it" they tell me to wait for is that mythical moment when you meet that person and "you just know." It's the moment that "your life changes." All those associated cliches that always happen "when you least expect it" or when "you'd given up all hope of love."
But because these bastards tell me about this moment for them and how it does really happen, I'm always expecting it or hoping for it. So I can't just patiently sit back and wait for it to happen. I feel the urge to roam the Earth looking for it. Because obviously just waiting for it is not working out so well for me. Not super effective as the only dates I have are with my DVR and single lady frozen dinners. Plus, I feel like since all these other people seem to have had the it moment, something is wrong with me that I haven't. Why did it choose them and not me? You know, all those fun, happy thoughts of self doubt.
Ultimately we find that John Stuart Mill was right; The truth is usually between the two extremes. If I really want to date, I need to leave the apartment every once and awhile to interact with people, meet someone new. Yet, I can't force it. Going out there with the only intent to date makes you desperate and will make you tense. If I just go out with the potential of meeting someone, I'd be less likely to turn into Gollum and find that blue eyed geek to call my precious after one meet and greet.
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