Unclean Conversing

I am posting this in an effort to put a stop to an important epidemic affecting our sexual dalliances: dirty talk while having sex.

I am sure that in some instances dirty talk is effective in arousal and stimulation between the sheets, but as the following event illustrates, effective dirty talk is an art and should only be used by professionals.

One fateful night, I decided to have a one night stand. Now, I am usually not this type of spur of the moment, impulsive girl. I like plans. I like boundaries. I like limits.

The guy I picked to have this adventure with, Tony Stewart we refer to him as, was not anything special. Just a regular guy. Kind of on the douche side if I am being honest. And short. Yet I knew I would never run into him again and he was not a complete stranger, so I was willing to give it a shot.

I also have to admit to two heavy influences that played a role in this night: booze and revenge. I had been drinking copious amounts of alcohol and I wanted to fuck a guy so I could prove I was able to "move on."

Well, this night of reckless fun turned out to be, well, not a disaster, but more of a clusterfuck of happenings that are almost too good to be true.

I will skip preliminaries and just cut to the bedroom.

To start my sexual liberation of no strings attached romping, I started moving back toward the bed, walking backwards. I was somewhat familiar with the layout of the room, so I felt confident in my movements. I felt what I thought was the bed, so I started to lean back to sit down.

It was not the bed. It was actually a vast abyss of nothingness. Which means I fell on my ass on the floor.

He did not seem to care though. I laughed. But he just quickly resumed making out and shedding clothing.

I am not going to go into details. But I will say that I just did not feel like we fit together right, if that makes sense. Plus, he told me I was too big...which I am not sure I really want to know what that meant.

Anyway, it was pretty lousy sex, a huge let down, and during this the following things were said to me:

1) "Oh yeah baby....just like that. Give it to me..."
2) "Oh, god. You're so wet..."
3) "Cum for me, baby."
4) "Suck my dick, baby."
5) "Cum on my dick, Chelsea."
6) "Chelsea, oh God. You're so good at that."
7) "I love the way you feel. So wet.."
8) "Take my dick. Take it all."
9) "Squeeze my dick in your pussy.."
10) "Oh, God. Suck me off, baby."
11) "Oh, Chelsea. I want your hot mouth on my cock."
12) "You like that, baby? Let me give it to you."
13) "Do I make you wet?"
14) "You're so good at sucking cock. Where did you learn that?" (great conversation starter by the way)
15) "I love sucking your tits, baby. Do you like that?"

Not all of these were said just once, either. Oh, no. Number 14 was stated at least four times. And all I have to say about that is I was unable to reply to his line of questioning for I was orally fixating on something and my mouth was full.

After this all occurred, he wanted me to stay. I said no, and when he went to the bathroom, I got dressed and got ready to leave. Then this happened, our great, emotional goodbye statements...He said, "I just thought of something...I didn't get to see your naked body in the light..." I replied, "It's better to keep it that way...that way my body is idealized and perfect." Then I walked out the door.

His dirty talk just made me want to laugh. It just was not something that needed to be said. I think I might have felt differently if the sex was amazing and it was super hot and heavy and we were both really into it. But, that is not what it was. I am sure he would agree with me that it was not that great. I am not commenting on his skill, but just simply stating that as a sexual couple, I feel we were not super compatible.

Now some of my guy friends told me that guys say stupid things when they are super lusty and especially when they are getting out that pent up lust. But, I have to wonder why, after no positive responses or reinforcements from me, this guy felt it necessary to keep on saying such things to me.

I do believe communication is vital to any relationship or interaction between people, even in sexual encounters. Yet, I feel conversing about whether I am satisfied with the way you are thrusting your cock into me or asking me where I have picked up my tricks of the trade is communication better left unsaid.