For Brett and Jim

Indian Summer

In youth, it was a way I had
To do my best to please,
And change, with every passing lad,
To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know,
And do the things I do;
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you!-Dorothy Parker

This post is for two guys in my life who stand as beacons of hope in a shit storm of guys. Jim and Brett are two of my best friends and they are two of the greatest guys I know. They were concerned that I was writing only self-deprecating posts. They were worried I was too hard on myself and that the posts on this blog are depressing. So, for them, I am going to write a post that is all about they way I am. Why I am a catch. Why I think I am a viable commodity in the dating market.

I suppose we can start with my physical appearance. As a complete package, I think I am pretty. I love my dimples. And my brown eyes. I get compliments on these two things frequently. I also like my smile because it is like my Mom's and sister's and grandma's. I have a turtle scar on the right side of my face by my eye that I got when I was about two. It use to bug me...but I think it adds some personality to my face. It is crude, but I do like my rack and I have a sufficient amount of junk in the trunk. I like my legs, they are pretty long. I am not skinny as a rail or a size two. But, I am pretty content with my weight. Yes, I would like to lose some of it...but I don't think I look overweight or fat. Just healthy. Oh, and I have hips. Oh, yes I do. I guess overall that's what I like about my body the most. My curves. They make me feel sexy and feminine.

As for my personality....I am a bit shy, but once you get to know me, I am pretty open. I have a somewhat caustic, sarcastic sense of humor. I like to fancy myself witty. I tend to be more introverted than anything. I think of myself as smart and intelligent. I try to smile as much as possible. I am more liberal minded than anything. I tend to think reality is more subjective than objective. I am pretty patient, but there are certain issues that I am really impatient with. I like to be punctual and hate running late to anything. I have a hard time trusting people, and if you lie to me, I get pretty upset. I am truly incapable of holding grudges and usually tend to forgive people too quickly.

Next, I like my values because I try to live by them daily. I value my family above everything. They come first. I believe in honesty. I believe in working hard and giving your all. I value my friends and would do anything for them. If I can help someone, make their life a little better, I will. I truly believe in treating others they way you want to be treated. I try to respect people because I wanted to be respected. I believe in karma and try to put out positive and good energy. I think the best thing I can do in this life is stay true to what I know and what I believe and surround myself with people whom I love.

Lastly, there are quirks I like about myself. Not that I think I am completely unique, but these are just things about me that I like. I think we all have that. I like my laugh. I like coming from a small town and growing up in a rural area. I like how I can be OCD with everything except my car. I like how I would sometimes rather get lost in a book than go out. I love listening to music and getting lost in it, thinking it's just for me. Same with a book. I LOVE reading and literature and poetry. Words are my life. I enjoy being a feminist. I enjoy looking at things, whether it be commercials, movies, tv shows, or books, critically. I like how I would rather wear t-shirts and jeans and put my hair in a ponytail than dress up. I am competitive in sports, especially basketball. I like playing HALO even though I suck at it.

So...to tie it all together....

In the past, especially high school, I tried to be what I was suppose to be. What I was expected to be. I know I could act a certain way, be a certain girl to please guys. To be that girl every guy wants. I have been that girl. She is lame. She is sad.

But now....I am woman who is confident in what I am, what I think, and what I enjoy. I like being this way. Quirks and mood swings and not coolness and all.

The posts on here are just experiences that ultimately shape who I am now, in the present. These guys are not what I measure myself or my life by. They are not the people I want to impress anymore. Just because they call me moody or fat or ugly doesn't mean I take that to heart and truly believe it.

I guess in the end, I just write about these type of fuck-my-life experiences because they have helped me realize who I want to be.

And who I want to be is a woman who lives by her own standards, not the standards of men.

(Is that better guys?)