The Market

I have a bone to pick with this whole "dating" thing. Over the years I have been told by people how easy and simple it is to just meet single people and go on dates. I've read numerous books where the heroine has no problem going on dates and lamenting how the man is not the one. I've watched Sex and the City and other television programs that display women and men going on dates with what appears to be an endless parade of single, attractive people.

I feel so behind the curve. If in one season Carrie can go on say, at least 20 dates with at least 15 different men or if my mom can tell me about all these horrible dates she went on in her glory days or if Sookie Stackhouse, a telepath in Bon Temps, Louisiana, can go on dates with hot vampires, werewolves and everything else under the sun, then why not me? Why have I failed to tap into this natural resource of available men who ask women on dates? I've only been on MAYBE 3 or 4 official dates with different men in the 8 years I've mixed with the opposite sex. Obviously I have a lot of catching up to do.

But where is this seemingly endless supply of single people? Most of the time I feel like the whole pool of single people is compared to some sort of open market. There are all these people just milling around looking to date. These people are all different shapes and sizes and colors and are just waiting to go on a date with you. It sounds as exciting and exhilarating as a foreign Farmer's Market. All these unfamiliar goods for you to experience and handle. Oh so glamorous.

I am a pessimist though and I am here to shatter this perfect picture of dating. Because if there is a market like this, it is not like the picture painted above. It is more like a Black Market or Knockturn Alley. (Yeah, so maybe the problem of me finding dates has more to do with my frequent Harry Potter references, that's another blog though) Here's my flawed reasoning for this:

I grew up in a high school with 100 people. Let's just say that it was 50% male, that means that there were only about 50 males to date. Break that down to factor in males with girlfriends and we're down to like 30 single men. Break that down to factor in males who could read and we're down to like 5. Just kidding, but you can see my pool was small. So when I graduated, I was looking forward to a larger pool. Thousands of single guys in one area. And they were in college, so they had to be able to read! Oh, the possibilities!!!!! The possibilities to date, at least for me in college, were slim to none. The possibilities to hook up? Never ending. Again, I found myself rationalizing. Well, men in college aren't focused on dating or settling down, so wait until you graduate. Then surely men would be lining up down the block to ask me out. Not so. Granted, I've only been out for 2 years, but in that 2 years I have been on 0 dates.

Which makes me wonder if the Market of Single People is even real. If it does exist, it's a shady place, a dark place with under the table dealings. "Hey, let's date and say how simple it was just to perpetuate the myth." It's evil, I tell you, evil!

Evil because single people like me with hardly any dating experience feel inadequate and out of place. There HAS to be a reason everyone else has been able to shop around this mythical, magical place and I haven't. If there are all these single people milling around, looking to date, I must be wearing some sort of invisibility cloak or smell like a troll. (Can you tell I went and saw the new Harry Potter?)

Maybe it is my Harry Potter references, or my dimples, or my rather large ass, or my personality. It's not that I sit around just waiting for someone to ask me out. I've been a single girl asking out a single guy. (Let's not talk about those results though).

All of this frustration comes from all this bullshit you get told when you're single. It is shoved down your throat. Not to give you hope, but to make you feel worse and helpless. Because whenever I hear someone tell me about all these single men out there waiting for me or anything like that, I just feel worse. I mean, I'm single and not going on dates. Wouldn't that suggest that in fact, no one is looking for me or that I am not a date-able girl?

I just wish I could have more honest discussions about dating and love. Not just fairy tales or urban legends. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so hopeless.

I guess in the meantime I will work on keeping those Harry Potter references to a minimum...